Top - Topshop
Jeans - New Look
Boots - Dorothy Perkins
Necklace Set - Dixi
Rings - Pandora
There are so many posts I have been planning to do over the last few weeks, mainly product posts of things I've been loving recently, but had been struggling to find the time to do them and the longer I left it the harder it got. The reason for this being that the longer I left it the more I felt like I had to apologise and the explain myself for my lack of presence. Something that just didn't seem to fit with product reviews, because I didn't want that to be the focus of those posts or for it to make them too long. Then I'd been really struggling to find a place to take decent outfit pictures to go along with my explanation, and after stressing myself out about my goal to blog more I had to take a step back and evaluate. Why do I feel guilty when I don't blog regularly? Why do I feel the need to explain myself?...
I shouldn't feel guilty and I shouldn't have to apologise or explain my absence, and the truth is that none of you probably even expect me to, it's a pressure I've put onto myself, that has in turn made me feel guilty for not posting as regularly as I would have liked to. I need to realise that this is a blog, if I go a couple of weeks without posting it's not the end of the world and nobody is going to hate me for it. In my goal to improve my depression and anxiety I also need to learn to cut myself a bit of slack, I have had a tough few weeks and just being able to cope with it is enough in itself. Although I have just stressed that I don't need to explain myself, this is also my little corner of the internet where I can share how I'm feeling and that's exactly what I'm going to do. For a while now my Nan has been suffering from dementia but since Christmas she has really gone downhill and is in the final stages. I have been visiting her in hospital for the past 5 weeks and spending as much time as possible with her. I have never experienced dementia firsthand before and I have to say I feel for anyone who has had to. It is a cruel disease and one that I have really struggled to come to terms with in the last few weeks. My Nan has gone from telling me to "F*** Off" and asking who I am, to telling me she loves me and that she will never forget me. I'm not going to lie it has been an emotional rollercoaster with lots of tears. But I also have to say that I feel quite proud of myself for not allowing it to set me back in my anxiety and depression recovery and accepting it for what it is. Accepting that it's ok to feel sad about it and cry every now and then, it doesn't mean I'm failing. Whilst writing this post it has also made me realise how far I've come in my recovery, never before would I have been able to admit any of this or feel proud of myself for coping with this struggle. Before it never would have been enough.
If any of you have experienced this before, my thoughts are with you, it's tough to watch a loved one lose themselves like this. And also know that you never have to explain yourself to anyone, your life is yours and if it helps to share then share and if it doesn't don't feel guilty for taking a break, I'm sure I'm not the only one that has felt like this.
, by Sadie